Our grateful thanks to the British Association of Anger Management for their contribution to our 'on-air' report (which you can hear again at the bottom of this page) and to the NHS for the information below.
Research shows Pre-Covid almost one in three of us had a close friend or family member who had trouble controlling their anger. More than one in four worried about how angry they sometimes felt. One in five ended a relationship or friendship with someone because of how they behaved when they were angry.
COVID & Anger: An outcome of the pandemic has been the rise in stress fueled anger and confrontation, with a recent poll showing most of us have had arguments, fallen out with others or felt angry because of COVID-19.
Whilst anger can be a good thing - giving us a way to express negative feelings or motivate us to find solutions to problems. The levels of unhealthy anger, that prior to the COVID 19 outbreak saw Britain as the European Champions for road rage and has been fuelling the current rising tide of domestic abuse cases, is extremely concerning.
The new restrictions due to the new mutation and the concerns about what this may mean are adding stress when we've all gone through so much this year at the very time we should be trying to celebrate - we can't.
A key theme of Yule celebratrion of Winter Solstice is looking forward to better days - which will come - but for now, as we were reminded by Mike Fisher we must find ways to alleviate the stress, reach out, talk, offload what we are going through for our sake and others ... we hope the infomation below helps ...
If you are reading this because you need help or to reach out- the samiaritans are available 24/7 or call 116 123.
There are also these resources that can also help.
There are usually two ways that most of us deal with our anger, either to implode or explode. It’s important to deal with anger in a healthy way that doesn’t harm you or anyone else. If you feel you need help controlling your anger, talk to your GP.
Symptoms of anger
Anger can cause many different symptoms. It might affect how you feel physically or mentally, or how you behave.
Some people become aggressive towards others when they're angry. Other people hide their anger and may take it out on themselves.
It's not always easy to recognise when anger is the reason why you're behaving differently.
Changes in behaviour
Things you can try to help with anger
ANGER MANAGEMENT - AN INTRODUCTION (courtesy of the British Association of Anger Management)
RULES OF ANGER MANAGEMENT
1. Stop, think and look at the bigger picture. This rule is about time management. Time management is about creating time to think about the consequences of the event and the reaction.
2. It's OK to have a different opinion. Opinions are not facts! They are only what you think.
3. Listen Carefully – L.O.V.E.
Learn – in order to learn, listen
Observe – observe the other person's body language
Verify – clarify information
Empathise – keep your heart open at all times
4. Use your support network. A support network is a group of people you can call on when you need to talk to someone so your anger doesn't get out of control.
5. Keep a Journal. This is a powerful way of not internalising your anger. Your journal can be used as and when you need to. Record how you feel about what happened, and your views on a problem. By using your journal it will bring clarity to the situation.
6. Don't take anything personally. Nothing others do or say is because of you. What others do and say is a projection of their own reality onto yourself. When you are immune to the opinions, projections, behaviours, and actions of others, you will not be a victim of needless suffering any longer!
• Breathe deeply, count to 7 on the in breath and 11 on the out breath.
• Remind yourself to "KEEP YOUR COOL".
• Remove yourself from the situation physically and emotionally if possible.
• Count backward from 20 to 1.
• Go for a walk, ideally in a park or open space.
• Visualise a calm tranquil place, e.g. sea or mountains, for about 2 minutes.
• Let go of any expectations you might have.
• Remember life is unfair!
• Yoga, meditation, swimming, and relaxation, good for de-stressing.
• Take up a relaxing hobby, e.g. gardening.
• Relax in a bath whilst listening to chilled music.
• Listen or dance to music.
• Inhale relaxing aromatherapy oils, e.g. lavender.
Clearing Process Every time you feel angry with another person, you can either express your feelings, which triggers a reaction in the other person, or not express your anger, which will then build up inside you until eventually, you explode. You are in conflict with that person (holding onto grudges) and will remain so until you can resolve matters with them.
If this is not done (i.e. resolution is not reached) it is likely that you will remain resentful or hostile towards them. This serves no-one and only keeps your anger alive. Often when it comes to expressing our anger to others, there is fear about how to express it in such a way that it is clean, healing and empowering for both ourselves and others.
Using a basic clearing process, you will find that even in the most difficult and challenging situations you can confront someone, without it developing into a serious drama. This approach is simple and powerful. Use it in an angry situation but remember: Practice makes perfect. You will become more comfortable with this approach the more you use it.
Before starting the clearing process with someone please make sure that you consider the following:
1. Be certain about the facts relating to the conflict. (NOT your opinions!)
2. Practice the clearing process with a good friend (your support person) first. This allows time to explore your own projections before doing a clearing with the other person.
3. Be aware that this clearing is more about you than about them. (It gives you the opportunity to open your heart to the other person.)
4. IMPORTANT - The other person does not need to justify their behaviour to you.
5. Tell the person that all you want them to do is just listen to you.
6. Offer them the opportunity to give you feedback at the end of the clearing process.
7. IMPORTANT - Give yourself enough time to do the clearing and ask the person how much time they have available to do this process.
8. Do not be attached to an outcome, sometimes the process will not go the way you want it to.
Always start your sentence by saying: "I feel angry with you..."
Then: ... because I have asked you 10 times to take out the garbage".
"What I want is when I ask you once to do something and you say yes, please do it".
"What I am willing to own about my behaviour is often I do not follow through on commitments that I make".
Listen to this weeks radio report
All material on this website is provided for your information only and may not be construed as medical advice or instruction. No action or inaction should be taken based solely on the contents of this information; instead, readers should consult appropriate health professionals on any matter relating to their health and well-being.